My room is a mess.
I’m sitting in the small space on my bed not taken up with camera equipment, protein bars, clothes, shoes, books, and other miscellaneous supplies. If not for the somewhat organized chaos and my full suitcase downstairs, I would not believe that I’m getting up tomorrow and boarding a plane to Africa.
I can hardly believe it, anyway.
It’s been a long road to get here – to the night before. We had mishaps, delays, and curve balls like you wouldn’t believe. Health complications, unexpected costs in Kenya, problems refilling prescriptions and buying supplies. At this point, we can’t wait to get on the plane tomorrow so that we can sit for eight hours and do absolutely nothing. Often, getting ready to travel is far more stressful than actually traveling.
People have been asking me for days now, “Are you excited?” I’m never quite sure how to respond to that, because really, how can I say no? After all, who wouldn’t be excited to go to Africa and then Europe for three weeks. But, the truth of the matter is I’m not excited. Not yet. This past week has been so stressful that I haven’t had time to sit down and really contemplate what tomorrow is going to mean. That I’m going to Africa. It just hasn’t sunk in yet.
I can’t reach excitement because stress and weariness is blocking my way. But give it time. A few hours on the plane and I’ll be staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, thinking. “Oh my gosh, I’m going to Africa.” And after the inevitable, “Dear Lord, What have I done?” is out of the way, then I’ll get excited.
But, spite of my current lack of excitement and the fact that we’re both exhausted and stressed, our suitcases are mostly packed and we’re almost ready to go. We have persevered, with God’s help and grace, through many rounds of enemy attack and tomorrow begins the grand adventure into the unknown. It’s a heady feeling, getting ready to take such a plunge. When all your comforts and bubbles and certainties are stripped away and it comes down to you and God and the leap of faith, it’s incredible.
On the night before, I’m nervous, very nervous, but I’m trusting God. Ultimately, I’m ready to jump.
But first I’ll think I’ll clean up the disaster my room has become.